Reflections on the Lord's Prayer, Part 7: “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors”

Forgiveness is tough for many people. The struggle comes in forgiving truly mean people, who do not and probably will never want to repent. Yet others seem unable to accept forgiveness from God because they cannot forgive themselves. I don't know why we face these challenges, but I do know that the root of the problem has more to do with our theology than anything else. If we could truly understand that God is our loving, merciful Father, who reigns with holiness in heaven, forgiveness might come more naturally to us.

Jesus explicitly connects forgiving others to receiving forgiveness immediately after this prayer: “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 5:14-15). That might make us tempted to think that by forgiving others we earn the “right” to be forgiven, but we know from elsewhere in Scripture that this is not the case. I think we should refer to one of Jesus's parables to help us understand his meaning here:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:21-35).

It's clear from this parable that the servant didn't earn forgiveness by forgiving someone else; the king canceled his debt as soon as he begged for mercy. God waits for the slightest hint of repentance because he loves to extend grace to his children. But he will not tolerate this two-faced attitude of begging for mercy and then refusing to extend it to others.

Often, we have the wrong perspective when we ask forgiveness; we tend to be very focused on “being sorry” for our sin. This, of course, is healthy and appropriate. But Jesus does not say, “if you're very sorry, then your Father will forgive you.” It seems that God is less concerned about how we feel than he is about how we will act on the mercy we have received. God longs to show mercy to his children in part because he wants to see them show mercy to others. We accept forgiveness not because we deserve it, but because it enables us to be compassionate. We forgive others not because they deserve it, but so that they too can know the Father's great love.